I asked about this with some of my Mazatlecan friends, both people who employ help around the house, and those who do the helping around the house. Here is what I was tolod:

1. The employee/employer relationship is different here than what we are used to in the US. There are situations where you expected to provide help beyond a job and a paycheck.

2. Talking about problems to you can be a hint, but is most likely just sharing what is on her mind and establishing a friendship.

3. If there is a hint for help, it will usually follow the discussion of the problem. ie: If only my son had the money to pay his tuition this month. If he had the bus fare to get to a job interview. etc.

4. If a situation arises where you are expected (as opposed to just be appreciated) to help, you will be asked.

So maybe she is just sharing her woes and all she requires is a sympathetic ear. Maybe you just listen? I know that’s hard, because we both suffer from the problem-solving disease. Whatever you do, I know it will be right.

But I am feeling much better about things, and I guess I am not going to try to figure out what I “should” do when she says something about her kids or expenses or something, I will just wait until she asks and then cross that bridge.

I appreciate all your help, thank you.

Steve, It sounds like you and I are on the same wavelength. But every time I ask Guadalupe for help with Spanish she confuses me more. I have to do a blog post about Leeks one of these days, it was pretty funny.

Christine, I think one of the issues for me is that I don’t know what is expected of me. UP north I could do the same as you and be fine.

Jonna, Thanks for all your thoughts on this. One thing I kind of messed up in describing also is my angst about what to do when she talks about her family…her kids have had some issues that I couldn’t tell if she was telling me in her way of asking for help. But she didn’t ask and I didn’t offer and it just made me uncomfortable. But tomorrow I read when she’s here, for sure.

IslaGringo, It is so nice to know I’m not alone on this! And while I feel we are friends on one level, there are so many levels where we don’t know each other at all. I mean she has never known me when I worked and was a big shot and stuff…and I have never seen where she lives, etc. It is complicated. Maybe some day I will work it out!

AMM – Maybe one issue for me is how she works…sweep the whole floor. Then dust the whole floor. Then bathrooms. Then mopping. So it seems like no matter where I am I am underfoot. Usually we go up if she is down and vice versa but it feels like I am hiding. And I sort of am!

Thanks everyone. Poco a poco

I have worked at home for many years which means I am at my computer. This works for me. I just move to another room when office area needs to be cleaned.

I do prefer to be gone completely though if possible.

At first, when you don’t know them and they don’t know you it can be uncomfortable. But really, as long as what you are doing is legal and moral who cares if they think you are lazy or whatever? I’m sure they do have some opinions that we would not love but they aren’t sharing them with you or your friends so? Now that I think about it, Gaby could be dishing me to Debi but really, would I care? No. I did balk at hiring a friend of my next door neighbor as I thought that would put all my business on the street. I prefer it to be bantered about out in Gaby’s neighborhood – and perhaps over at Debi’s! In truth, Gaby seems very reticent and I doubt she talks much about either Debi or I. When I have asked her about things like how the party preparations were going at Debi’s she was very vague. I like that about her.

I have many years with Manuela over in Akumal and while she is also discreet about me (I think) she talks to me when I am there. I hear about all the dish over in the pueblo, her family, the other maids that are or are not really working, the management at the other places she works… it goes on and on. I still get on the computer or the phone or have friends over but if I’m alone she is much more likely to start talking as she works. Since I don’t see her very often anymore that is OK, if I were there for weeks it would calm down.

My advice, force yourself to just read a book one day that she is there. Even if you are uncomfortable, just sit there and read and eat bon bons. I think it will break the barrier and then it will get easier. Well, you do have to give up the idea that sloth is bad and someone is keeping score.